Jokes? AHHA

Girl: There is a problem with your face..
Boy: What?
Girl: It shows!!
______

Husband: Am i look like a fool?
Wife: No at all, but what is the value of my opinion compared to that of hundreds of others!!
______

Boss: Do you know the height of laziness?
Employee: Yes, It is when you adopt a child!
______

Q: What is the difference between a man who is buying a lottery ticket and a man who is arguing with his wife?
A: Lottery ticket buyer has still some chances to win!!
_____

60 years old Hubby: Do you get upset when i run to flirt with other ladies?
Spouse: No way! Lots of dogs run towards cars but it doesn't mean that they can drive it.
______

Boy asked to his gym coach: I want to impress my girlfriend, Pl suggest me which machine should i use?
Gym Coach: Best machine to impress any girl is an ATM Machine!!
______

Grandson: What is the secret of happy and satisfied married life?
Grandfather: My dear, It is still a secret!
______

A salesman hugs a girl..
Girl: What the hell is this?
Salesman: It is direct marketing..
Girl slaps him..
Salesman: What is this?
Girl: It is a customer's feedback!
______

Bad Man: I really feel bad for the people who do not drink or booze.
Good Man: Why so?
Bad Man: Because some day they will go to hospital and die without knowing the reason.
______

Husband: I am sure that your brain is as good as new..
Wife: How can you say that?
Husband: Because it never used before!
______

When you are in hospital, your friends ask: Hey, hi, how are you dear?
But your best friends ask: Hey buddy, how is the nurse?
______

Harry: Can you tell me, what is the best way to remember my wife's birthday?
John: It's very simple, Just forget it once!
______

Person visited psychiatrist place and psychiatrist said: You are Mad..
He asked him to give a second opinion and he said: You are ugly too!
______

Shelly: I think you must have taken birth in the highway..
Tom: Why you think so?
Shelly: Because that is the place where all major accidents happen!
______

Teacher: You know kids, where there is a will..
One kid added: There are hundreds of relatives!
______

Mack: Why are looking so tensed?
Andrew: Yes, because i am going to be father?
Mack: Oh, that's the good news.
Andrew: No, it's not. My wife does not aware about it..
______

Boxer: How high my temperature is?
Doctor: A hundred and two!
Boxer: Oh, but what is the world record?
______

Sim: Why it is hard to find the boys who are handsome, sensitive, caring and gentle?
Jaine: Because they already have a boyfriend!
______

Husband messaged to his wife: Dear, I am just having my last glass of beer and coming home within 40 minutes and if i don't reach, Pl read same message again!!
______

Kristine: I am giving a grand party on my 19th birthday. Are you coming to attend it? 
James: No, i attended that four years ago!
______

Man: My wife is short of sense and scares a lot from water.
Friend: But how do you know this?
Man: Yesterday, when i reached home, she was in bath tub with the security guard!!
______

Steve: I have had bad luck with my both wives.
Angelina:Tell me, how?
Steve: The first wife left me and second one didn't!
______

What is the different in in bride-groom and adopted dog?
After 2 years, dog is still love to have fun with you..
______

Michal: Why women live longer, better and peaceful life?
John: Because, they don't have a wife!
______

Q: What to do to spend happy life with women?
A: Well, you must love her but do not try to understand her!
______

Patient: Doctor, i only have 55 short seconds to live..
Doctor: Pl wait, I'll attend you in a minute..
Patient: What a joke!
______

Girl: Do you know that married men live longer than single man do?
Boy: Do you know married men have more willing to die!
______

Engineer: Please drag folder to the right of the screen..
Funny client: Sir, your right or mine?
______

Man: What is a century like to you?
God: It is like a short second.
Man: What is billion dollars like to you?
God: Like a penny..
Man: Can i have a penny?
God: How funny.. Just wait for a second..
______

Son: Pl tell me the difference between mom and wife?
Dad: One who brings you into this great world crying and the another ensures you continue crying..
______

Son: Why do barbers become good drivers shortly?
Father replied in short: Because they know all the short cuts..
_______

First friend: Dear, i love lipsticks, they are very tasty.
Next Day..
Second friend: You are liar, i bought 10 lipsticks and ate them.!!
_______

A man was removing two wheels from his car.
A girl asked him: what are you doing??
Man: Can't you see the board, "Parking for two wheelers only"!!!
_______

Michal: I have a quiet home life.
Stella: Great, how?
Michal: She does not speak to me and i do not speak to her..
_______

For me, a train station is where trains stop,
A bus station is where buses stop,
In my office, i have work station!
_______

Kid: What is husband and wife?
Granny: Husband is the head of the family but wife is the neck,
which can turn head anywhere!
_______

Hubby: I have noticed that you are searching for blood subject book. Why?
Spouse: Because i am going for blood test and i want to achieve highest!!
_______

Cristine: You know, behind every successful man, there is a woman!
Michal: But behind every unsuccessful man, there are two..
_______